Born and raised as a Catholic, I was a regular church attendee throughout my childhood and teenage years. I claimed to be a Catholic, but I did not understand what it truly meant to be a believer in Christ, to be of Christ. I was leading a life filled with traditions and superficiality. I never owned a copy of the Bible and made decisions based solely on my own judgments. Because we are all born sinful, my judgments did not stem from reliance or dependency on God. I sought self-satisfaction and perfection based on worldly views. I bored into myself in the hope of perfecting myself and demeaned myself in such a manner that I became trapped in my own mind. I indulged in worldly views and opinions and soon enough, I developed an eating disorder. This has been my ultimate sin since the summer of grade 11 to grade 12. I was so ashamed and still am of my experience. This sin has been so strong and pervasive in my life that it had taken over my identity. Over the years before I accepted Christ, I tried to get rid of this mental illness myself, relying on my own self-control and seeking self-help books. But nothing worked, and as opposed to helping, the sickness just took a turn for the worse. I was completely helpless. Not only was I damaging my own body, I was also damaging my mind. I wanted to break free and run away, but I couldn’t because it was all in my head. It took a toll on my relationships with others as well, trying to hide it from my family and friends because I was so ashamed. The secrets kept piling and the pressure to keep the secret became stronger, I had nowhere to turn to and I became even more reliant on food. I thought I had control, but I was uncontrollable.
Leading up to my conversion, God has placed a friend in my life. He had been patient and truly showed Christ’s love and compassion towards me. My friend didn’t know exactly what I was struggling with, but he knew I was going through troubles. God dedicated him to use a lot of time and effort to encourage me to go to fellowship in RHCCC and to go to fellowship at the university. He gave me my first Bible and told me the Gospel, but I was still hardened. On the day of my conversion, God melted my heart and tore down my defense. He shone His light through my darkness and lifted my dark burden that I’ve been carrying around for the past 4 years. He found me and embraced me, calling me His daughter, even though I don’t deserve any of His love after what I’ve done to myself. He cares for me and He loves me for who He has made me to be. His Son has defeated sin and has conquered death. It is through faith in Christ alone that I have been saved. Thank You, Heavenly Father.
Even to this day, every day is a constant battle, as with any other sin. Every day, I need to rely on His strength and His Holy Spirit, letting His truth sink into me, that I have the privilege to have the Spirit dwelling inside of me, to serve Him as His Holy Temple. Every day is a spiritual warfare, but God is faithful. He will not let anyone be tempted beyond what anyone can bear. The world is passing away with every second of every day. He alone is the eternal One, forever and always.
I believe in Jesus because: only in Him is there true refuge and salvation.